And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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