where am i from again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
