Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
