i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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