I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
