Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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