I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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