bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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