if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
