I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
