I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
