I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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