remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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