I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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