he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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