be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
