3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
