i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
