She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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