That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
birth control should be required to get into college
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
