one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize