look no pants
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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