Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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