Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
