I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
