maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
