If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
