So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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