I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
false alarm, still single
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
