btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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