apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
