I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
