the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
