Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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