Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Text me some of your sweat
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