maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
