If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
