She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
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