Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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