i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
