I wannas sexs uuuuu
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
