I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
