frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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