***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
