your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
