I think I just saw someone hide a body.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
