wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
