It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
