Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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