remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
