hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
