There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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