I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
