People in love make me want to vomit
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
