I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
