She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
