the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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