quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
