you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
