I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
