He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Never underestimate the power of titties
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