Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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