Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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