My friends, they love my intelligence
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
