My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
