you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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