a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
false alarm, still single
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