if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
